Aarthi Muthukumar once wrote, “No matter how hard I work, the pressure of being successful by my parents’ standards is never going to disappear.” Aarthi Muthukumar is just one example of a kid who is afraid of letting her immigrant parents down. During Muthukumar’s high school life, she developed stress, anxiety, and panic attacks because of the academic standards her dad set for her. He believed that success was the ticket to happiness. Although she is majoring in Molecular Neurobio, Interdisciplinary Studies, and Cultural Anthropology, she still feels like she could fail her parents anytime. Many kids of immigrant parents develop stress and anxiety due to the fear of academic failure. Schools should create workshops for parents so they can have a better understanding of the work their child does, which could lead to more attainable standards.
Do you know what academic performance is like for kids with immigrant parents? According to the Institute for Family Studies, 51% of students with immigrant parents earn A grades, which is a higher percentage than the 48% of students with US-born parents. Although that percentage is higher for kids with immigrant parents, they actually have to go through more in order to maintain these grades. The article “Children of Immigrants and Their Mental Health Needs” by ThinkGlobalHealth points out that kids with immigrant parents have higher chances of developing stress and anxiety compared to those with US-born parents. They feel pressured to elevate their families to better living conditions. In the process of doing this, many of them overwork themselves, which, of course, affects them mentally. This indicates that immigrant parents play a huge part in their kids’ mental health. They raise their standards so high because they don’t know what students’ work is like in school. They think their kid has it easy since they think all we do is sit around in chairs all day on our computers while they work their butts off at work when in reality, it isn’t like that at all.
I am a daughter of immigrant parents, so I can tell you about the times when I’ve cried in my bathroom, feeling like I’m not doing enough and not achieving my parents’ expectations. They’ve never put pressure on me to do my best or speak about my grades, but I always feel like I am under pressure. They always tell me, “Focus on your studies; you don’t want to end up with a job like mine.” This may seem like just a simple statement, but it holds a deeper meaning. When parents say this, they indirectly say, “Go to college, get a good degree, get a job that pays good money so you can help us in the future, and we’ll know that all our sacrifices won’t be in vain.” Obviously, they won’t say it, but it’s how they feel. I always see my mom tired after work, and she still has the energy to cook and clean for us. This is why I intend to do my best in school and get into a good college to show her that everything she has done for us was worth it.
In order to help kids with immigrant parents reduce anxiety and stress, schools should create workshops for parents to help them understand their students’ schoolwork. The article “School Stress: 10 Ways Parents Can Help Kids Manage Stress” provides many ways parents can understand their kids’ education. One way is recognizing that not every child learns the same way; some children get their work done without taking breaks, while others feel overwhelmed by the amount of work and need to take breaks every once in a while. Research shows that kids who take breaks once in a while are more likely to have long-term academic engagement and overall well-being. Therefore, this solution can lead to the parents lowering their expectations for their kids, which will result in decreasing the chances of their child developing stress and anxiety.
Many people think, “Wouldn’t it be easier just to tell your parents how you feel instead of dealing with all this?” Well, only if it were that easy. The article “To Be the Child of an Immigrant” discusses how kids don’t open up to their parents because they feel guilty. Immigrant parents usually migrate to the United States to give their children a better life. To them, it doesn’t matter if they have to work long shifts or give up their hopes and dreams just to spend the rest of their lives doing the best they can to provide for their kids because they want to see us succeed in life and not suffer the way they did. It would be much easier for schools to schedule meetings to talk to the parents about this since it’s harder to open up to them about how we feel when they’ve sacrificed so much for us.
In order to prevent children of immigrant parents from developing anxiety about falling short academically, it would be a good idea if schools create workshops for the parents to get an understanding of the work their student does and lower their expectations a little. If you’re dealing with the pressure of not meeting your parents’ expectations, just know that you’re not alone, and don’t overwork yourself. We’re only human; we aren’t meant to be perfect.
Works Cited
Muthukumar, Aarthi.”The fear of failure in an immigrant family” The Daily Californian, 9 Nov. 2021.
Zill, Nicholas .”How Do the Children of Immigrant Parents Perform in School? ” Institute for Family Studies, 8 July 2020.
Todd, Hannah, and Eliza Martin. “Children of Immigrants and Their Mental Health Needs.” Council on Foreign Relations, 20 Aug. 2020.
Partnership to End Addiction. “School Stress: 10 Ways Parents Can Help Kids Manage Stress ” Partnership to End Addiction.
Chick, Kenna. “To Be the Child of an Immigrant | Mental Health America.” Mhanational.org, 2017.
